The strange feeling of missing intensity.

Let’s be honest: depression is grim. It’s heavy, isolating, and exhausting. But if you’ve ever been through it, you’ll probably understand this—there’s something strangely familiar about it too. It slows life down. It strips away the noise. And even though it’s the bad kind of deep, there’s a strange comfort in feeling something so intensely.

The truth is, I’m not in that place anymore. Not even close. I’ve actually been the most focused I’ve ever been—working hard, staying consistent, showing up for my goals, and building something I care about. I’m proud of that. But lately, I’ve found myself missing the emotion. That rawness.

Life’s been feeling a little grey around the edges.

Not hopeless. Not dramatic. Just… muted. I’m working five days a week, then spending the other two trying to build the dream life I want. And in between that, I’ve noticed how easy it is to drift from moments—the real ones. The kind that catch you off guard and make you feel alive again.

We talk a lot about burnout when things are too much, but no one really talks about the numbness that comes when things are just... fine. You're functioning, you're getting through the week, but there’s no colour in it. No real fire. And because nothing's technically wrong, it feels like you don’t have the right to complain. But the truth is, going through the motions can be just as draining as chaos—it just hides it better.

Watch my video on why it's okay to change your mind (and yes ive been told I look about 14 in the thumbnail - im not, and I promise I have adult thoughts).

It hit me recently that I’ve spent so long planning for the next chapter—travel, freedom, doing work I actually love—that I kind of stopped being here. The “one day” mentality is powerful, but it can also become a trap. If you’re always reaching for what’s next, you forget how to enjoy what’s now. Even if now is just a slow cup of tea after work or a moment of stillness that doesn’t look exciting, but feels like peace.

There’s something weirdly healing about hearing a song and being taken straight back to a moment in your life you didn’t even realise you missed. Not because it was perfect, but because you felt something so deeply then. And sometimes I wonder if those intense seasons—heartbreak, passion, messy growth—are actually what make us feel most alive. Not that we want to stay there, but it’s powerful to tap into it again, just for a minute, and remember that side of yourself still exists.

One thing that’s helped lately is setting tiny emotional checkpoints throughout the week. I’m not talking about deep journaling or guided meditations (though if that’s your thing, go for it). I mean something simple— a playlist that makes me feel like a teenager again, five minutes of staring out a window and just being. We forget that presence isn’t always a grand event. Sometimes it’s just letting yourself feel something before the noise rushes back in.

This part of life feels like groundwork. It’s the bit that won’t make the insta story, but without it, the rest doesn’t happen. Working the job, saving the money, building the foundation—it’s not thrilling, but it’s necessary. And I think reminding yourself that this is not the final version of your life makes a massive difference. It’s not that you’re uninspired—it’s just that you’re laying bricks. And bricks don’t look like much until the house is built.

The other day I played an old playlist—one that dragged me straight back to a specific version of myself. It reminded me of a time I met someone who left a serious mark - in the best way possible. It didn’t end well. But those days still shaped me. The music doesn’t remind me of them—it reminds me of me. Who I was. What I felt. What I needed back then.

And honestly? That reminder was exactly what I needed.

There’s no big revelation here. No five-step plan to fix it. But if you’ve been feeling that quiet grey too—if you’ve been living on autopilot a little more than you’d like—try doing one small thing that reconnects you.Put on that playlist. Watch that film. Text that friend you haven’t spoken to in a while. Light a candle that reminds you of a different season in your life. Let it stir something.

You don’t need to overhaul everything. Just find a way to remember yourself in the midst of it all.

This is the part of the journey no one sees. But it matters just as much as the highs.

✨ Something for You:

If this resonated—even just a little—I’d love to hear your thoughts.Leave a comment, message me on Instagram, or just share this with someone else who might need it.The Freedom Edit is about more than aesthetics or adventure. It’s about staying connected to who you are—even when life feels a little bit in-between. ♡

👇 One Last Thing

You’re allowed to miss the emotion, even if it came from the messiest part of your life.You’re allowed to crave more, even if everything looks “good” on the outside.And you’re allowed to feel a little off, even when you’re doing everything right.

You're still in it. You're still editing. ♡